For those of you poor souls who are not party to the great British cultural traditions, a '99' is an ice-cream cone with a Cadbury flake stuffed in it. A Cadbury Flake is one of these http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flake_%28chocolate%29 UK fashion models earnt a tidy sum in the 1960's and 1970's doing Flake TV ads, which mostly involved them scantily clad walking through wheat fields with a Flake the placing their lips over it. You get the drift? No? well have a look at this.
I was visiting a heritage property a few weeks ago, and I bought a 99 at the end of my visit from the tea-room. The lady who served me was very sweet, pretty, and aged about 40. My wife was standing behind me.
The tea-room lady started by donning a pair of bright blue rubber gloves! My imagination started to wander. A reassuring hand on my back from my wife silently spoke the words "steady, boy, steady..."
Cafe-lady scooped the ice-cream into the cone and presented it to me, without the flake! The following dialogue is probably accurate, but possibly bears the taint of sexual ambition unfulfilled.
Rob: You forgot the flake.
Cafe-lady: Sorry! Give it back to me and I'll put it in for you.
Rob: I'll hold it for you. (I held the cone firmly on the counter with both hands)
Cafe-lady (grasping a flake): I hate doing this bit.
Rob: It's the best bit, I find.
Cafe-lady (starting to insert flake): It's very hard...
Rob: The flake?
Cafe-lady: No, silly, the ice-cream.
Rob: Don't worry, I have a firm grip.
Cafe-lady: Can I press it harder?
Rob: Oh, yes, I think so.
Cafe-lady: The ice-cream is melting...
Rob: Must be the heat.
Cafe-lady: Shall I push it all the way?
Rob: Yes, yes, all the way...
Cafe-lady: I've spilt it on your hand.
Rob: I'll lick it off...
Finally, she had it inserted. I turned to my wife, who for for some reason had her hands on her hips and was giving me a strange look. Several people in the cafe were also staring at me. Can't figure why.
You see the trouble you get into when you are retired early and have nothing useful to fill the void.
So here is my tribute shot for that erotic moment (which I must confess was very enjoyable)